Finding the way back home
by fiery red-haired girl
Summary: ok, my first ER fanfic. AU. Carter never went to Africa but he and Abby are on bad terms. Picking up from the episode of his grandmothers funeral. Give it a chance and review. pls? PG-13 just to be on the safe side.
1. Chapter 1

> Do you know when there's a time that everything seems to go wrong in your life? Well, that's exactly what's happening to me. First, my brother disappears for two whole months making me worried sick about him because he was off his meds. Then, when I finally hear from him, John's grandmother dies. I go to get my brother, I have to make sure he's alright and I come back to Chicago just in time for the funeral. I honestly thought everything would be ok, but nooo, this is Abby Lockhart's life. Something has to happen to screw up what's already bad. At John's grandmother's funeral, Eric just couldn't wait in the car. I don't even want to remember that.  
  
Now Carter is pissed at me. Not that I blame him. But it's not  
my fault either, damn it! Maybe it is because I'm such a screw up. I  
don't even know how Carter and I lasted this long. He just broke up  
with me. I mean, he told me to leave him the hell alone so I take it  
he doesn't want anything to do with me anymore. Maybe it's for the  
better. He's better off without me. But still, it hurts. I just wanted  
to help him, to be there for him and tell him that everything's gonna be ok. But I couldn't do that. Not after he told me to get out of his life. Eric's back on his meds and he's staying over night at County, which is good because I really don't wanna deal with him right now.  
  
As I make my way to the station, I hear someone calling my name.  
  
"Abby!" I turn around to find Susan. She runs to catch up with  
me.  
"Hey." I say trying to sound cheerful. It didn't convince her.  
"What's wrong, Ab?" Ha! Everything's wrong.  
"Well, to make a long story short, Carter and I have just broken  
up." She looks surprised. I really don't know why. It was doomed from  
the start and Carter and I both knew it. But we just had to go through  
with it and get ourselves hurt.  
  
"He's probably just upset about his grandmother's death. He'll  
come around. He loves you." Where she got that idea from is beyond me.  
  
"I'm not so sure of that, Suse. He sounded really sure when he  
told me to leave him alone." Why the hell do I have tears in my eyes?  
I'm not gonna cry, I'm not gonna cry. Damn it! I'm already crying! I  
brush the tears off my cheeks as Susan engulfes me in a hug.  
  
"It's his loss, Abby." Nah, he's better off without me. "I have  
an idea. Why don't we make a girl's night in? We can rent some movies,  
pop some popcorn. What do you say?" It's not exactly what I had in  
mind but it sure looks better than mopping around.  
  
"Ok, fine." Besides, I know she won't take no for an aswer.  
"Great!" She sure looks excited. Oh well, if there's anyone that  
can cheer me up now, that someone is Susan.
> 
> We have just gotten home, after staying for almost an hour at  
the video store arguing over which movie we're gonna watch. After  
that's out of the way, we come to my apartment. As soon as the popcorn  
is ready, we'll get this movie started.  
  
Ok, the movie was sort of useless because we've talked through  
the whole thing. Susan is now ordering some Chinese while I clean up  
the mess we made with the popcorn. I guess a popcorn fight wasn't such  
a good idea after all. But it sure seemed fun at the time. At least it  
cheered me up a little.  
  
"Hey, Ab, they'll be here in fifteen minutes." Susan calls from  
the living room.  
"Ok, great!" The delivery guy had better come fast because I'm  
no hungry right now!  
  
Exactly fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rings and Susan goes  
get the food. We sit in the kitchen and start opening the packages.  
When I open mine, it smells great but why am I feeling nauseous all of  
a sudden? Ok, this doesn't look good at all. I'm really nauseous.  
  
"Abby, are you ok?" Susan asks. I must look really sick because  
the concern shown in her face is scaring me.  
  
"No." I manage to say just before I run to the bathroom and  
empty my stomach down the toilet. I lean against the wall trying to  
calm down and stop myself from shaking. Susan sits next to me passing  
a wet towel on my forehead. "Ugh, I hate puking!" I say trying to get  
up but a wave of nausea passes through me again and I fall back to the  
floor. "Do you think it's the flu?"  
  
"It can be. Or food poisoning. Did you eat anything out of  
normal?" Susan asks.  
  
"No." Well, not that I can remember anyway. Unless... nah, that's  
highly unlikely. "Uh, my period is late." Susan's eyes widens.  
  
"Do you think you're pregnant?"  
  
"It's a possibility." I say quietly. I thought it could be that  
when I didn't get my period in the last two months and I've been  
feeling sick almost every day, even though this was the first time I  
threw up, but I just brushed this thought off. Carter and I always  
used protection. Except for this one time, about two months ago.  
  
"Did you have sex without protection?" Susan asks turning to  
face me.  
  
"Just once." I say trying to blink away the tears. It hurts to  
think about him. "I can't believe it!" I shake my head but soon stop  
because it hurts. "What if I'm pregnant, Suse? What am I gonna do?" I  
ask her panicking. Geez, talk about bad timing!  
  
"Only one way to find out" she says smiling sadly at me.
> 
> A/N: ok this the first ER fanfic that I summoned up the courage to post. So pls tell me what you think and review. Pls?


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: I was going to rewrite this fic but i decided to post it like it is now. About my other fic, I haven't abandoned it, I just haven't finished chapter 3 yet. A huge thx to everyone who reviewed this fic and my other one. About the ppl that flamed me... honestly, if u don't like it, don't read it. I'm just writing this for fun.

Chapter 2

We're at the drugstore standing in front of the shelf with pregnancy tests. I've been staring at it for the past five minutes, unable to reach out and grab one.

"Are you sure you wanna do this, Ab? It can be just the flu, ya know. Maybe we're just overreacting." Susan says. No, something tells me it's not the flu.

"Yes, I have to know." I take a deep breath and grab a test.

We pay for it and head home. We go silently the whole way. When we finally get to my apartment I go straight to the bathroom. I just want to get this over with, so after I take it I set the kitchen alarm. In three minutes I'll find out. I go back to my bedroom where Susan is waiting for me.

"So?" she asks eagerly.

"In three minutes we'll know." I say sitting on my bed to wait. And wait. And wait. God! These are the longest three minutes of my life! At long last, the alarm goes off. I run to the bathroom to find two clear blue lines. Oh, my God! What am I gonna do?

I go back to my room where Susan looks at me excited. "I'm pregnant." I say. Not being able to hold the tears anymore, I break down and cry.

After sobbing uncontrollably for half an hour, I finally start to calm down. Susan is rubbing my back trying to sooth me. God, why? That's the only thing that goes through my head right now. Why when things couldn't be worse?

"What am I gonna do now?" I say more to myself than to Susan.

"Abby, look at me." Susan says. I look up at her brushing off my tears with the back of my hand. "You're gonna be a mom. I know the timing couldn't be worse!" she says when I open my mouth to protest. "But you're going to bring a little child into this big world! I know I probably sound crazy, but believe me, once you hold your baby in your arms, you'll know it was the best thing that's ever happened to you." She smiles at me. I know she's right but it's scary to think that I'll be responsible for a child's life. My child. Holy shit! There's a little person inside of me. A new life. Wow! I smile at this thought.

"I know... You're right." I say after a while. "Besides, I couldn't go through this pain again." Susan looks at me confused. "I got pregnant a few years ago when I was still married to Richard. I couldn't have that baby. Not then. It wouldn't be fair to that child. I was in a horrible marriage, I was unhappy. So I had an abortion. I wonder every day what that baby would be like. But in a way, it's better I didn't have it because I wouldn't be a good mother then."

"But you will be a good mother now, Ab." I smile sadly at her. I hope she's right.

"I mean, there are a million reasons why I shouldn't go through with this pregnancy. What if I pass on the disease to the baby?"

"You'll deal with it just fine."

"What about Carter? What am I supposed to tell him? 'Hey, John, I know we've just broken up but guess what? I'm pregnant with your child!" Susan grins at me.

"Seems like you have everything sorted out." She says smirking at me.

"Susan!" I glare at her. "This is serious!"

"Sorry, Ab, but seriously, Carter will be thrilled. You'll see." God, I really hope she's right. I smile at her.

"I'm hungry."

"Do you think we can eat that Chinese food now?"

"Absolutely! I'm eating for two remember?" I say smiling. She laughs. You know what? I'm happy. Surprisingly happy. I'm going to be a mom. I'll have a little family, even if it's not a perfect one. But still, it's someone that I'll love with all my heart. I love it already, and honestly, it feels so damn good!

Pls review and tell me what u think. please?? pleeeeease?


End file.
